Elevate your healing; Acceptance
Before I begin, two things. First, if you haven't read the previous post on Awareness I urge you to. These two tools are connected and you can't really begin to accept that which you are not aware of. Second, acceptance is hard to explain so please bear with me!
Acceptance/Forgiveness gets a bad rap because they often come with the notion that by accepting/forgiving behaviours and feelings you are somehow saying that these things are, for lack of synonyms, acceptable. This isn't at all the case. You can be ok with something and still disagree, not believe or enjoy said something. The idea behind acceptance is more about relieving the judgment and stresses you put on yourself or others in an emotionally charged situation. Acceptance is not a sign of weakness, it's not a sign of giving up or being defeated. It means that you accept who and where you are right now and that you will allow yourself the kindness and patience you require while you are on your healing journey.
Disclaimer: While my initial focus of sharing these techniques is for your to improve your personal wellbeing, awareness and acceptance can be use and applied to others in our lives. We must learn to understand that no two people will act or feel the same and therefore becoming aware and accepting others behaviours will help us not take things so personally. Noticing other's reactions and triggers can remind us that we often have nothing to do with someone else's mood. Most people could give a shit about what you're up to, they've got enough of their own garbage to sort through.
The opposite of accepting is resisting. Resistance is a very strong, very common reaction to most emotionally charged situations. We begin to feel something unpleasant and our minds want it gone so we try anything we can to avoid. Resisting an emotion just makes it stronger. It continues to fuel the reactive fire we are trying to cool. Without awareness, resistance happens naturally without us even trying because we are hard wired to protect ourselves when the going gets tough. This is where our subconscious can bury hard and traumatic situations and contaminate our soul soil.
As previously discussed with awareness, we are trying to learn what it is we need to unpack. When you're more in tune to what is going on inside of you, it's time to tell these feelings that its ok to be there. We need to accept our past and present situation in order to develop a happier and healthier present and future. Instead of trying to convince yourself something isn't happening, or masking feelings with vices or keeping yourself busy, you need to sit in your shit.
Our lives are a full on assault of content non stop. You can't turn your head without seeing someone who is "wealthier", "thinner", "fitter", "smarter", "more successful" and so on... and that shit can really bother us! We are conditioned to believe that our success is measured by all things superficial and without actually saying these words, social media tells us we are a failure. So we work and work and work and work to achieve things that we think we want. I say, we think, because most of us know ourselves so little were actually not entirely certain of what we want actually is. Often, what we want is decided by how other's will perceive us.
Acceptance will bring you comfort in where you are now if your life. It will offer you the courage to be disliked by others, because you will learn to love yourself. Be ok with where and who you are now. If you'd like to stop being so reactive, bullying or negative self talk will not motivate you to get better. Would you tell your friend they suck or have failed if they didn't get a call back after the interview? Would you tell them they are worthless and don't deserve love because they're partner broke up with them? Fuck no. You would throw your arm around them and tell them that the right job/person/home/friend is out there for them and they need to keep going. ACCEPT that this thing has happened to you, accept you're not happy with it but make sure to truly accept that it is a part of our growth and learning in our lives.
Here is your next exercise to learn about yourself and have applicable content to your mental health journey. What are your values? Look at this chart below, or google a word list of values. Choose your top 10 and your bottom 10. Next time your confronted by stress, unhappiness (whatever!) stop and ask yourself if this moment is challenging your values? After doing this exercise I really discovered the restaurant biz was not for me because a lot of my core values were constantly challenged by the way the system works, and the people working within it.
Never forget, you are exactly where you need to be and be kind.
Xoxox - KC